Narcissus
by keir
Summary: HikaruxKaoru, TamakixKyouya / Kaoru fears he is losing his twin to Haruhi's charms. Who would have thought that Tamaki and Kyouya would be the ones to help him win his sibling back? R for swearing, sexual situations, twincest, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Narcissus

Author: Keir

Rating: R overall swearing and sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kaoru fears he is losing his twin to Haruhi's charms. Who would have thought Tamaki and Kyouya would be the ones to help him out?

A/N: Story takes place at Misuzu's hotel in Karuizawa, referencing episodes 15 & 16. :) Props to **kccreation** for introducing me to Ouran; I blame her for all obsessions that I take on from this anime.

* * *

In Greek mythology they say there was a beautiful boy, Narcissus, who loved himself and none other. All lovers he spurned, discontent, and so the gods cursed him to look upon his reflection in a stream for ever and always. He caressed and kissed the reflection of himself, crying out how cruel it was that he could not be with his one true love. He wasted away there by the beautiful stream in the forest.

I could die happily like that with you, Hikaru.

There is no moonlight at Misuzu-san's hotel in Karuizawa tonight. The bay windows encompass full, dark clouds and nothing else. The roses overflow on the windowsill, their scent cloying on the cool air. It seems all my life I have smelled roses. Hikaru is not gentle tonight. He seldom is any more, not since Haruhi joined the Host Club. The bed is also smaller than I'm used to, my head almost hanging over the edge of bed after being tackled. He looms over me, a face the same as mine yet not the same. Not any more. Now that our world is not just the two of us, there is a terrible, jagged wedge between us. Suddenly we are not entirely the same.

I let him tear off my shorts. I had been getting ready for bed when he came in, eyes hidden by his bangs. "Hikaru," I said, and then he had pushed me and the bed had seemed hard. The sheets were suddenly rough. The air is so cool here; it's hard to remember that hours before we were sweating under a summer sun. He enters me, my twin, with my leg over his shoulder. I am bared to him. I bite my lip, denying him the satisfaction of even a small moan. He moves immediately, giving me no time to adjust. Hikaru...I know you're still angry about Arai, how Haruhi smiled at him so easily. You think that if someone does not save their whole heart for you then they are denying you everything. You're angry because I pretended to be you to apologize. You're unused to it; we never used to apologize for anything when it was just us. I understand your resentment.

One particularly rough thrust gets a groan past my throat. I feel so abraded and used. I don't know if what we're doing can be called 'making love'. I think that right now I'm just someone to fuck. I love the way your eyes are half-lidded; you look like a savage feline predator. I've never been able to look like that. You're victorious, triumphant because you know that once a sound passes my lips, I can't stop myself. It's so painful—we've never done it without lube before, without preparation and deliberation—but that just seems to make you happier. You're happy to hurt me and I'm happy to accept whatever you'll give me, as long as you'll just pay attention to me. You were afraid when I pushed Haruhi out of the way of that tumbling vase; you hate being out of control. Everything has a plan, a purpose to you. A bead of sweat rolls down your temple. I want to lick it away.

Suddenly you stop rutting against me and I think that's even worse than feeling violated. I want nothing more than for you to move, to help us both reach the point of no return. My body is gripping you so tightly. Every time we come together, I worry it's the last. Soon I'll know what it's like to be alone.

"What are you thinking about, Kaoru?" you ask so easily, your eyes almost bored. I can see that you don't understand me.

And the hatred wells up inside me like blood that wells up beneath a wound. Maybe I'm the weaker twin, but we've both always had a scathing way with words. I think it just hurts worse because I can read you like a book and suddenly I'm an enigma to you. How could you not know what your other half is thinking? We share the same eyes, the same body; how could you not see my heart reflected there?

"You should be with Haruhi." I shouldn't be saying it. Why am I saying it? I've held it in this long but the pain is driving me crazy. Relentless, throbbing. I can't fight against it. "You want to do this to her, right? You'd rather be inside her than me. You want to kiss her, touch her..."

Now I've said it and you're really angry. I'm not ready but it's going to happen whether I am or not. You shove my leg against my chest; the first thrust almost makes me scream. How could it hurt so badly? It burns but I'm too stubborn to beg you to stop. Your face is so close to mine, a reflection of me and yet not. I've hit your sore spot, your weak point, and I expect nothing less than you paying me back in spades. My eyes fall closed; it's too painful to see your anger at me. I could have kept my mouth shut. I know you don't want to hear anything from me.

"What are you doing? Open your eyes, Kaoru." You're so angry, so frustrated. That's not my fault, Hikaru, you stubborn jackass.

"My eyes are closed so I can imagine I'm with someone. You should close yours so you can fantasize about Haruhi..."

You're so rough; I don't know why I keep kindling your wrath. Somehow the pain is worse when I can't see; your fingers dig into my wrists. I hope that there are bruises in the morning, something from you. Only a day before your shaking fingers brushed the cut on my cheek, so soft. I could only hold your hand, whisper, "I'm fine." There was love in your eyes, but not the love I want. I want to see myself reflected in the same green eyes I own, my heart's desire echoed in you. My fingers curl against your grip, back arching; even if you don't want to be with me, you can't help but try to satisfy me. You know my body, the way to please me on the inside. Beneath my eyelids I'm remembering a sunny day when we languidly made love, your skin glowing in autumn sunshine, mouth hot. We ignored the incessant ringtone of our lord, Tamaki, the only sound in the room besides my embarrassing mewls. Our limbs mixed together until we were one. I know that your ego is insulted when you think I could be fantasizing about someone else, but I always think of you. It's always you in my dreams, Hikaru, even if I'm not in yours.

I'm so happy for you because you love Haruhi; I hope you feel it in the touch of my fingers laced with yours. I have always been your support. I've made the arrangements and tomorrow you'll have the date with Haruhi that you've wanted for months now. My heart aches because even as you drift apart from me and discover yourself, I'm afraid that all I want in life is you. I'm afraid that all I have in life is to desire you. Without you, I know I am lost. I will eventually lose you, I know. I'm so selfish to want to keep you to myself.

Even though you never make a sound when you orgasm, I always know the exact moment. You clutch so tightly at my wrists, face buried against my shoulder. Your breath flutters once against my collarbone, then you're gone, leaving your cold sweat on my skin. There's one beautifully small bruise on my left wrist, right against the pulse. You have my heart trapped.

"I'm going to go take a bath." You say it so nonchalantly and the message is clear: I'm not invited. I can't help but smile at the ceiling. I wouldn't love you like I do if you weren't so ill-tempered. I don't think I can move, my body is so pained. I'm a mess. I look past the splendid red roses piled across the windowsill and outside the bay window. The clouds outside are dark and full gathered in the sky. It looks like a storm is on its way.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Narcissus

Author: Keir

Rating: R overall swearing and sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kaoru fears he is losing his twin to Haruhi's charms. Who would have thought Tamaki and Kyouya would be the ones to help him out?

A/N: Displeased with this chapter but I feel like I need something to kind of bridge to the rest of the story, so~

* * *

I can hear them downstairs while I lounge in the hallway, debating with myself on whether to make an appearance. Their obnoxious laughter and chatter floats up the stairs. Life is never quiet with the Host Club around. Tamaki is the loudest, of course, but today I'm not in the mood to smile.

I think that's what annoys me the most: the Host Club. I hate the noise and the fuss sometimes; I want to go back to that small world where only Hikaru and I exist. I don't want to have to comfort his aching heart. When it was just us there was no pain. I saw my twin briefly this morning; he was in the shower and after brief words I left. The maids are waiting outside the room, ever-present. "Could you please make sure Fujioka-san has something suitably appropriate to wear for a summer day of shopping?"

"Of course, Hitachiin-sama," they echo together, bowing and fading away. The wood grain of the wall against my fingers is soothing. I suppose now that I'm awake I should make an appearance. Life is full of these little obligations.

"Kaaaooruuu~!" Tamaki is flouncing around, carefree as usual. "Oh my, you look so ruffled, so undone!"

My Host Club instinct kicks in; I immediately become disgusted with myself. A hand goes to the rumpled shirt I wore yesterday and didn't bother to change, another through the hair I didn't bother to style. "Hikaru was so rough with me last night, like an animal." I don't have to pretend the sinful blush that is really a display of anger as I look away. The female guests are already swooning, but I want someone else there to take me in his arms. My guilty pleasure is to swoon in his hold, to let go there like I can nowhere else.

A familiar arm is suddenly there; I can't help but stiffen and that hurts inside. I want you there but I don't. What's wrong with me? "What are you telling our lord, Kaoru?"

"Such indecent relations! Oh, daddy is so proud!" Tamaki preens as if he understands our relationship. Suddenly I'm realizing even I don't understand our relationship any more.

Kyouya pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, making a few notes. "We could always hold an impromptu host party here at the pension. We would make minimal profits, but our reputation would increase."

"Don't sell our summer vacation so easily, Kyouya-senpai," we admonish in unison.

That just makes me more childish and annoyed that we can fall so easily into synch with each other. I shrug off the arm across my shoulders. "Besides, I woke up on the cold floor this morning. My neck is so sore…"

"I said I was sorry," Hikaru replies offhandedly. "I didn't know I'd kicked you off the bed last night."

In truth, I spent the night on the floor because I couldn't bear to sleep next to you. I think now I realize I hate myself more than I hate you. "I don't feel well. I'm going back to bed." I wish I could feel normal, to laugh and feel Hikaru next to me. I want to feel your warmth, know that you're by my side always.

But we can't be together forever.

The view from our room is so peaceful. Karuizawa really is a beautiful place. The clouds are all still gathered, trembling, waiting to release their heavy burden. I start to undress, first my shorts, then the shirt. There's a knock on the door. "Come in." I glance over my shoulder as I slip out of my boxers. "Ah, Kyouya-senpai." My nakedness never bothers me. I lay down on the bed, grab Hikaru's handheld; he'll be annoyed if I finish our game without him.

"Kaoru." Kyouya is always a very direct, simple person. I've always liked that. "Between you and Hikaru…"

"Don't worry, senpai. Like I said," I say absently, attention stuck on the game, "Hikaru was rough on me last night." We're missing the hardest pieces of the game's puzzle; trust Hikaru to do the easy parts and leave me the worst.

"Is it Haruhi?"

Suddenly my fingers can't find the will to press the buttons. My character drowns. I hit restart. "Hikaru likes Haruhi. Anyone with eyes can see it." Now I know that I am vulnerable around Kyouya. Most perceptive of all is the shadow king; I know that he has known about my feelings for a while now.

"I can't imagine a day when someone won't ask of you 'Where is Hikaru?' or ask of him 'Where is Kaoru?'"

"Is that how it is?" I stare at the game screen but don't see it. "Nobody can love their reflection forever." He stays silent, his mind an impenetrable fortress. "Ne, senpai, please look after Hikaru when he takes Haruhi out today. Don't let Tamaki-senpai get too carried away."

"Do it yourself, Kaoru." And then he is gone. I bury my face in the pillow, breathe in a scent that is my own and yet not. It seems I must facilitate your growing love further, brother. I must cultivate the very rose whose thorns will make me bleed. So be it. Everything I do, I do for you.

* * *

You're so quiet in the night, breathing soft. The right side of my body feels so cold. Normally I would roll over, wrap my limbs around you, press my stomach tightly against your back. Our fingers would intertwine in our sleep.

But my skin stays cold because I don't turn over, I don't embrace you. You have the faint scent of Haruhi on you. The rain has started again, sheeting down the glass. I roll over, swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I want to take every rose on the windowsill and throw them into the fire. How childish and irrational…

I go to stand and your sudden grasp on my wrist startles me. Looking over my shoulder, I see your eyes are slit open; I can't resist that cute, sleepy face of yours. I guess in part, it's my face too. "What are you doing?"

"I want to go home. Karuizawa is boring."

"You can't leave without me," you protest with that pout. I suppose we're both childish.

"Ask Haruhi to sleep with you, then," I retort snidely. I'm not prepared for your vicious tug; I cry out in surprise. I have the sense of déjà vu as you loom above me, only the storm isn't on its way. It's already here.

* * *

Kyouya sighed as he leaned against the edge of the hot tub, his glasses resting on the tiles nearby. Wet fingers ran through his black hair. "Why must you stay here, Tamaki? Your vacation home is two streets over."

"Friendship is the most important thing, Kyou-chan!" The blond's pale skin was flushed pink form the heat of the water. He picked a strawberry off a silver platter heaped with food, teeth biting into the ripe skin with a giggle.

Kyouya frowned, annoyed at himself for being temporarily distracted by the sounds of pleasure coming from Tamaki. The blond's pink lips were sucking so sensually on the little red fruit, tongue rubbing against it to pick up the juices…

"The twins are both upset lately," Kyouya said to interrupt his own thoughts.

"What!" Tamaki swallowed the strawberry quickly, coughing as he almost choked. "The children are unhappy? Daddy must call them immediately!" He stood to get out before the other interrupted him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the dark-haired boy warned, sinking further into the water. "They're probably doing things right now."

"'Things'?"

Kyouya closed his eyes for a moment before giving Tamaki a predatory stare. He grasped the blond's arm, pulled him down. Wide violet eyes blinked as Kyouya kissed his lover, damp hand tilting the king's chin. Tamaki purred happily, immediately straddling the other's lap, eyes dark with lust. Kyouya's fingers brushed over pale pink lips. "The twins are doing _things_, Tamaki."

The blond's eyes widened in horror at the realization. "My twins, they're…they're…With who!"

Kyouya sighed, rubbing his temples. "With each other, Tamaki."

"Whaaat!" The blond proceeded to spew incoherent sentences while the dark-haired boy ate some grapes.

"Hikaru likes Haruhi. Or at least he's intrigued by her," the shadow king said placidly, interrupting the blond's fit. "It's unbalancing Kaoru." He ate another grape, waiting for his lover to settle down after another round of ranting about his innocent daughter Haruhi. "I believe Hikaru is interested in Haruhi's nature, but it's hurting Kaoru, and one twin is no good without the other."

"An ill-fated love!" Tamaki cried, hands over his heart. "But if Hikaru likes Haruhi, how are you going to keep the twins together?"

Kyouya smirked, moving to pin the blond against the side of the hot tub, bringing a strawberry to the other's lips. "That's for me to figure out, but for now…" He watched Tamaki's tongue twine around the offered treat. "Let's concentrate on the two of us."

* * *

I cry out and whether it's from pleasure or pain I'm not sure. I love feeling your body pressing down on my back. My erection is trapped against the sheets and it's maddening. You're trying to be sweet, planting kisses over my shoulders; you're trying to say 'thank you' without words for giving you the chance to be near Haruhi. We both feel uncomfortable using those two words.

Your warm breath rushes against my neck as you come inside me. Your final rough thrusts press me hard enough against the mattress to bring about my own orgasm. When you roll off me your fingers brush against mine. You're asking me in your silent way to stay.

And I can't possibly say 'no'.


End file.
